Realization.

There is something about me that I don't like.

Something that has plagued me for a while now.
I am fat, ugly. This is what I wanted since I was 9 years old.
YES - I WANTED THIS.

Since I was little I was molested on two separate occasions by two different, much older men. I decided that there was something about me that attracted this kind of evil and my solution was turning into something that no one would want.

And, I succeeded, aside from a few incidents along the way. I have punished myself for far too long for something that I now realize was never my fault to begin with.

I need to give myself the life I should of had before all the crap fell into it. And that is what I am going to do.

I want something. I really want something. I have never wanted it so bad in my life. I feel it in my bones. I have to have it.The only way I can get it is if I finally let my self be the way I always wanted to be.

This journey starts now.