I need friends!

So I am single again! Well, actually, I have been single since April and so far it has been great.

There are high and lows, I will admit. It’s great to be able to do anything you want to without feeling guilty (not that I have done anything super extraordinary, but it is nice that I have the choice :P)

I like having time for myself, to sit by myself, to do what I want in the comfort of my own space. The only problem is that I hate going places alone, or eating out in public alone. I wish I wasn’t so afraid to just be somewhere else by myself. I bug my friends all the time to spend time with me, just so I can go outside and do something different, but for some reason I am usually the only one who has the need to explore. It is kind of sad.

I think the worst part is that I spend waaayyy to much time with my ex boyfriend. We are friends still, and business partners, but he is the only one who seems to want to hang out and do cool stuff. It is probably because I am the only friend of his who lives in the Southbay not too far away from his house. I have to see him for work Wednesday and Saturdays so I am kind of tired of spending so much time with him, especially since people assume we are still together, but we are not. I have no romantic feelings toward him what so ever, which is sad cause he is a nice guy and all – I hope he finds someone cool soon.

I need more friends. Friends that don’t have kids (my best friend Kim is pretty awesome to hang with, but she lives so far away  and she has to work around her kids schedules), friends who are not my ex boyfriends, and people who don’t know the old me. I have changed, but when other people don’t change, things get awkward :0
Great, I realized I have two problems: I need to learn to be comfortable by myself in public and make new friends. What a dilemma :0

I am not so good at making new friends out of the blue. I think it is because I can be kind of intimidating (sometimes bitchy), and perhaps to serious for my own good. And when good looking people talk to me, I start to act retarded. So I can’t have attractive friends either, that would just be too much work. Oh hell. I am screwed. I just want to get along with anyone and chill. Why can’t I be normal and do that??? It is probably because I am use to having boyfriends. I am glad I stopped that whole business. Boyfriends are too much work; I just want friends that are boys!! And Girls too of course. Not “girlfriends” but girls that are friends.

I want friends dammit!

I should just start talking to random people and not care…..ahhhh its easier said than done :0