The Nerd and My Brain

Its already been a month since I wrote a blog. I have been so busy its fricken ridiculous. I am so glad that I am no longer working full time because then I feel I would eventually kill myself! (maybe 0_0)

Every week there has been a couple of big assignments due. I have papers, and books to read for all my classes and I have a limited amount of free time.

I can't say I really miss home all that much, but I kind of do. The two times that I went home, the place felt really alien to me which is weird because if you think about it I hadn't really been gone that long at all. Every time I was in San Diego I couldn't wait to get back to school. That became my main focus: "When can I go back to school, how soon can I leave!" I am not sure why I feel that way though. Maybe its because I knew that there was a mountain of homework waiting for me when I got back and every second I was away, the pile just got bigger and bigger. =(

I will admit, it hasn't been all school and no play. I did something a few weeks ago that I have never done before. I told this guy that I liked him.
Well, I didn't tell him, but I gave him a note. (I know, SO High School)

I don't know what compelled me to do it, I just did it. And I guess I am glad I did, even if it does turn out bad.

So, what happened after my confession?
Well, nothing really. At least I don't think so. I had a chance to discuss (yes, DISCUSS!=O) my note. He said that he felt we didn't really know each other long enough to have any lasting feelings and that it would be better if we spent the remainder of our time here trying to get to know each other more. AND, if by the end of the program, "If I still liked" him, then maybe we could go from there.(he said it so much better than my explanation though!)

So, since then, every once in a while we will walk together, eat meals together, and we have even gone to the movies together. I also spent a few hours (Totally 7 hours) in his room just talking about stuff, life, family, and my personal favorite - Anime! =)

Did I mention that he is kind of a nerd..well, I don't think so, but other people (including himself) do. I don't know how to explain it, but there is just something about him that I really like. Its the way he talks, his sarcastic and blunt way of looking at the world that makes me laugh. I really respect a lot of what he has to say and talk about because he is really smart and I have learned a lot from him. When he's around I can't help but smile too.

My biggest concern at this point is, he knows I like him but I have NO IDEA what he thinks about me. I have never felt so vulnerable before, and I am kind of dreading the outcome. What if after this program ends, he finds he has no feelings for me at all? What if he was just being nice and not able to reject me? These things I will not know for another couple of weeks. (And yes, the suspense is KILLING ME!)

But I just need to teach myself to be patient and not think about the negative. Well, I should definitely prepare for the outcome, but not constantly be engulfed in the game to not enjoy it. (This makes a lot of sense in my head)

Anyways, I should get back to my homework! Until next time!